Anderson confident after Lord's display

Andy Flower - team director
Responsible for monitoring key performance indicators for all staff, specifically the chief business metrics of "runs" and "wickets".

Andrew Strauss - Test captain
Responsible for Test team. Establishes brand identity and corporate legacy. Also serves as human response communications orchestrator.

Alastair Cook - one-day captain and Test vice-captain
Responsible for one-day team. Reports to Test captain. Provides business security and facilitates long-term planning.

Stuart Broad - Twenty20 captain and one-day vice-captain
Responsible for Twenty20 team. Reports to one-day captain. Also serves as innovation facilitator.

Ian Bell - Twenty20 vice-captain and senior batting executive
Responsible for bat-grip management and linseed-oil supply chain.

Jonathan Trott - associate batting project manager
Responsible for redefining run-targets in real-time and managing on-field orientation aids.

Paul Collingwood - senior chief outfield systems co-ordinator
An independent, advisory role. Responsible for data sourcing and analysis in the fielding sphere. Makes field-solution recommendations to senior management figures on an ongoing basis. A part-time position, this role also ensures there is cover for the associate batting project manager.

Matt Prior - executive outfield administrator and assistant strategy co-ordinator
Responsible for ongoing execution of ball entrapment. Also expected to contribute in the fields of on-field and off-field field enhancement to ensure superior cross-field fielder utilisation in the leg-field and off-field fields when in the field.

Ravi Bopara - junior batting operative
Responsible for batting.

Eoin Morgan - creative batsmanship developer
A new role that has been added within the batting unit. Responsible for bringing challenging batting innovation to the team within the parameters of our core values. This is currently a part-time position.

James Anderson - senior bowling administration supervisor
Responsible for managing both red and white ball maintenance. Also serves as chief liaison officer, enabling communication between the bowling unit and senior management. This part of the role demands expert translation and interpersonal skills.

Graeme Swann - chief innovator for spin
A broad and far-reaching role. Assists the senior bowling administration director. Responsible for improving staff morale. Also serves as spin project leader.

Chris Tremlett - lead bowling officer
Responsible for ensuring consistent delivery of bowling objective of consistent delivery of deliveries when bowling. Also entrusted with the retrieval of all business equipment stored on high shelves.

Steven Finn - junior bowling officer
Provides cover for the above. Also responsible for on-field hydration.

Tim Bresnan - central bowling solutions optimisation facilitator
Responsible for seam bowling functionality, swing-bowling programme implementation, line-bowling direction configuration, length-bowling quality assurance and for acquisition of nice snacks for tea breaks.

Luke Wright - junior assistant cricket development trainee
A temporary role demanding great flexibility. Responsibilities to be determined by senior management figures daily according to the most pressing business goals. This is not, generally speaking, an opposition-facing position.

Kevin Pietersen - job title to be confirmed
Reports to all of the above.

We understand. Eight hours a day on a hot, sweaty cricket pitch, away from loved ones, the latest version of Angry Birds, social networking sites, and more importantly - food. Who can blame you for wanting a little extra nourishment by means of a blade of grass or two, some skittles that you've snuck in, or cricketing equipment (they're full of fibre)? Here's a tribute to one of the most mercurial Pakistanis of our time. Sing along to Michael Jackson's Beat It.

They told him don't you ever bat around here
Don't wanna see your fours, your sixes disappear.
The fire's in their eyes, you better watch what you smear,
So bite it. Just bite it.

You better run like you're 18 years again.
Don't wanna see no mud, so hide it while you can.
But the seam is really tough, can't use a broken tin can
, So bite it. But you're gonna be banned.

So bite it, bite it. Bite it, bite it.
No one can seem to swing it.
Showin' how dentally strong is your might.
It doesn't matter who's left or right.
Just bite it, bite it * 4

They're out to get you, and they caught you on cam.
They saw your little ploy and uncovered your scam.
You were penalised five, walk off and get a ban,
So bite it. Bite it.

And millions saw you when the match was being aired
. You're playing with your life, could end your career.
And they'll still come back and beat you
And you'll give your famous glare,
So bite it, bite it.

Just bite it. Bite it.

Glorious club cricket. That unimpeachable paragon of our fair and wondrous sport.

The magnificent spectacle of outfields that have remained unmown for so long that herds of giraffe have ousted the previous residents of cow corner. The marvels of artificial pitches so uneven they could transform unassuming Ashley Giles non-turners into a Curtly Ambrose decapitator-comets. The unsurpassed succulence of the mince-and-cheese pies that are gobbled on the way to the game after sleeping in too long on Saturday, again.

Surely the heart and soul of cricket are the regular cricketfolk who brave heavy hangovers to stumble onto their respective fields every weekend.

But for so long club cricket has been consigned to being second choice; family birthdays, work engagements and awkward drives with the in-laws, all taking precedence over slipping on the whites and having a bit of a slog.

Enter Lasith Malinga and Chris Gayle.

What these valiant men have done by effectively shirking national commitments is to put club cricket above all else - where it belongs. In Malinga and Gayle, club cricket finally has the progressively long-haired, revolutionarily pierced heroes it so terribly deserves.

It's clear their decisions have been in the interests of preserving noble club cricket traditions like ragging on a team-mate's girlfriend while he is in the middle, sledging gingers more viciously than you abuse real people, and sneaking into the car park to slash the tyres of the umpire who gave you out lbw.

In fact, the world of club cricket is so obviously superior to representing your country at the international level that it's a little surprising no one has done it before them. Who'd want the chance to turn out in national uniform when you could play in leagues where batsmen regularly wear their groin protectors outside the trousers? Who'd want the chance to compete against the best in the world when you can bowl to a guy who has crushed a six pack before walking to the middle?

It's completely fair that cricketers who are among the best in the world turn down the chance of playing for their country to turn out for their club. No club cricketer ever dreams of walking out with their national team to raucous applause in front of a packed stadium, do they? No grade player has fantasies of hitting a hundred at Lord's, or taking a five-for at the MCG. Or imagines how good it would feel to one day get close enough to Ravi Shastri to punch him in the face.

In fact, as a club cricketer, most of my time is spent praying that I never get a phone call from those damned national selectors. All that fame, pride, and glory of playing international cricket just sounds like such a drag. And imagine all the girls who would be chasing you. Eww. I think I'll leave all that to guys like Sachin, Sangakkara and Steyn. Suckers!

As a result I have decided to take my cues from Malinga and Gayle and officially declare myself unavailable for national selection. This is mainly so I can focus my cricketing efforts on my club side, the Cornwall Tax Evaders (a team who, in turn, take their cues from that great club showcase, the IPL), but also, I have a weird pimple thing on my foot and I don't really want to risk it.

If you are a club cricketer anywhere in the world, I urge you to stand up for yourself and do the same. You'll thank me when you are never asked to play Test cricket for your country.

Shah Rukh Khan's seemingly innocent, though cheesy, gesture of dedicating KKR's victory over the Deccan Chargers last week to former skipper Sourav Ganguly, who was earlier ignored by KKR during the auctions, has led to a rush of similarly bizarre and meaningless dedications being made by players, team owners and officials

Ganguly himself started things off when, on waking up this morning with a nagging toothache, he dedicated it to Khan.

"I experienced a throbbing sensation in my jaw. It was extremely annoying, painful and made me wince. So I have decided to dedicate my toothache to the one other entity that makes me feel exactly the same - Shah Rukh Khan," said Ganguly, holding his jaw and grimacing in pain. "However, unlike Shah Rukh, the toothache will be gone in a few days. If only there were painkillers that could get rid of gratuitously irritating, cloyingly cheerful team owners, eh? mused the former India captain.

In just the past few days, the IPL governing council has dedicated their anti-corruption laws to Lalit K Modi, KXIP batsman Paul Valthaty has dedicated his stunning performance in the tournament to a dot ball bowled by Sreesanth, and CSK drummer-cheerleader A Sivamani has dedicated his left drumstick to his right drumstick.

"This is nothing new. Remember the time I dedicated my century in a Sydney Test to the opposing captain, Steve Waugh? No? Oh. That's all right then," said VVS Laxman, by now used to the fact that nobody in the IPL pays any attention to him.

Meanwhile, since everybody from little-known model Poonam Pandey to superstar Shah Rukh Khan has been offering to strip to commemorate a cricket victory, another similar offer has emerged from a rather unlikely source - former India Test spinner Venkatapathy Raju.

"I will take off my shirt and exhibit my 'muscles' in the MA Chidambaram Stadium after the IPL final. This is a promise to all my fans. If it is illegal, then I will take the BCCI's permission before doing so," said Raju, at a well attended press conference.

In his haste to convey his eagerness to divest himself of his raiment on the grand occasion, Raju forgot to specify a condition under which he would go half-monty. When a journalist pointed this out, Raju quickly recovered by saying "Eh? What? Oh. Heh heh."

He clarified by adding, "Poonam Pandey offered to strip if India won the World Cup. SRK offered to do it if KKR reached the IPL final. I will combine the best of both worlds - I will strip and dance topless after the IPL final if India wins the World Cup. And, since it has already happened, my promise, unlike that of some others, has no element of risk. Take that, losers!"

While many fans are understandably aghast at the development, a small section of saner voices pointed out that, at least in terms of physical attributes, Raju is not all that different from Ms Pandey. "Some people would rather see Poonam Pandey in the buff, while some others would prefer to see Shah Rukh Khan. I believe that Venkatapathy Raju presents the best possible compromise - so all fans will be equally happy," said one of those people who analyses such things for those pages in the papers that publish stuff like "Cellphones cause increased sex drive" and "Wererats have commitment issues".

"And look on the bright side - at least it isn't Rajesh Chauhan," he added with a shudder.

Whether Raju keeps his promise or not, one thing is certain. This has resulted in a huge spike in the number of young men googling for "Venkatapathy Raju" while slacking off at work, and suffering from acute disappointment attacks.

The irony was as heavy as the grey skies hanging over Trent Bridge. Zaheer Khan, India's bowling spearhead, gingerly loosened up in front of the pavilion. At the same end, at one corner, a smiling James Anderson, Zaheer's opposite number for England, handed over the keys to a school bus donated by the Lord's Taverners Foundation to a local school in Nottingham. One man wore a forced smile (Zaheer). The other, a genuine one (Anderson). Between them both these fast men hold the key to the world No.1 Test ranking.

Minutes later, Anderson declared that England were ready for taking over the world No. 1 Test ranking, currently held by India, after a bowling display at Lord's which he believed might have surpassed what Andrew Strauss' team did during their victorious Ashes campaign.

In a gripping series opener witnessed by fullhouses across the five days at Lord's last week, England's fast bowlers dominated the Indian batting thoroughly in the 196-run victory. To topple India at the top of the rankings table, England need to win the four-Test series by a margin of two. Anderson felt England were marching towards their target confidently.

"If we keep playing good cricket and concentrate on the little things that get us there, we hope the end product will be becoming the number one team in the world," said Anderson, the lone Englishman at the ground (England were practising at Loughborough).

"We know we are playing really good cricket at the minute. Everyone is chipping in, if we need someone to step up, generally they step up - whether it is Matt [Prior] and Broady [Stuart Broad] in the second innings with the bat or Broady in the first innings with the ball [at Lord's]. So someone is doing it when we need them to do that.


James Anderson took 5 for 65 in the second innings at Lord's to climb to No. 2 in the ICC Test rankings © Associated Press
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"We are preparing really well, practising really well, trying to improve as individual and as a team. So if we can continue to do that we know we can do great things," said Anderson, who vaulted to No.2 on the ICC's Test bowling rankings on Monday.

Anderson had himself played a crucial role in the win after bouncing back from a wayward first-innings performance to finish with his third five-for at the ground, where he has taken 43 wickets in the ten matches.

"The ball swung a little bit for us in the first innings, but not in the second innings," Anderson said reviewing the Lord's match. "In the second innings, to create pressure we did without the ball doing a great deal - I think a few balls kept low but the wicket was still pretty good - was fantastic and probably was up there with Australia if not any better," said Anderson, who was the highest wicket-taker in the last Ashes with 24 wickets at 26.04.

It was Anderson's perseverance on the final day, more than his skill to swing, that quelled the Indian challenge. At Trent Bridge, a ground famous for its swinging conditions and one Anderson has taken his most five-wicket hauls at (four from 11 Tests), he will once again be a force to be reckon with.

Anderson needs three more wickets to pip Darren Gough and become the ninth highest wicket-taker for England and he said that, just like Zaheer, he understood his bowling and was happy in himself.

"I feel like I'm in a really good place," Anderson agreed. "In the first innings at Lord's I didn't bowl very well, I bowled a bit wide but did bowl a good length. I knew if I could hold my length and get my line better in the second innings I could cause some damage. And the fact I could make that adjustment in the space of a couple of days really pleased me and really showed me I'm in control of what I'm doing."

A big difference between the Anderson on and off the field is his demeanour. With ball in hand, he likes to charge to the batsman and give an earful in his native Burnley accent. Off the turf, he is more reticent. But today Anderson seemed more open to take guard. To speak up like the best fast bowler in English conditions.

Asked if he would like to overtake Dale Steyn as the No.1 Test bowler on the ICC rankings, Anderson said that was not a goal. "[It is] not as important as overtaking Swanny [Graeme Swann, who's No. 2 spot he just took], that is what I was focussed on.

"But our end goal as a team is to be No.1 in the world and to do that we need individuals in the top ten and to try and be as good as we possibly can be. We've seen that with batsmen and bowlers now breaking into the top ten. Trotty [Jonathan Trott] at No.2 is doing a fantastic job for us, Cooky [Alastair Cook] as well at five. So it's important we keep working our way up. I'd love to be No.1 one day but I have got a lot of work to do before then."

he is going well